Glastonbury Highlights

I'll start with the mud. You can't write about Glastonbury without talking about the mud - Dolly Parton even wrote a song about it just for the festival. Before Glastonbury I didn't realise there was more than one kind of mud. But at the festival, there was two - the thick, sludgy kind that threatened to suck your gumboots into its sticky depths; and the watery, slippery kind that wanted you to fall and land on something invariably sharp. I learned that you expended less energy dealing with the latter kind, but that didn't make it any less unpleasant.

But the mud was only part of the festival experience, and really, I would have been a little disappointed if I didn't get to muck up my gumboots.

Glastonbury is the type of festival where you'll lose your friends, your dignity, your money and all feeling in your knees, and still have a great time anyway. For five glorious days you are part of a utopian (or dystopian, depending on how you look at it) adult playground, the size of a large town, with people ready to become your friend with a single glance at a midnight rave.

It was my first time, and for me it was a festival of spectacular highs and lows. Not for one moment did I feel ambivalent at the festival. I was either really freaking happy, or really frustrated and upset. And after talking to a few festivalgoers about this, I realised that it was quite normal. You're camping for five days, in extreme weather, where you're on your feet for 16 hours a day, seeing your favourite bands and meeting new people. Of course you're going to get emotional.

I wasn't prepared for how huge it was. It's a 1200 acre site that hosted 175 000 people. We were walking for kilometres a day, in thick mud, just to get from stage to stage. It was quite the mission. My knees started to give in around day 2, because gumboots provide no foot support... and I wow I never ever thought I would utter that sentence, but there you go...Ageing is a bitch. So I was making do with beers and strong painkillers - there was no way I was going to let my dodgy knees get in the way of a good time.

But the elation of standing in a crowd and singing along to a great song with thousands of other people...there's nothing quite like it. At Rudimental I suddenly 'got it', that legendary Glastonbury feeling that people always bang on about. It hits you like a wave and doesn't let you go until the moment you pack up your tent and leave.

I could ramble about Glastonbury for several more pages, but instead I'm going to write my highlights in no particular order. Glastonbury 2014 is already starting to feel like it was one crazy long party anyway.

Highlights:

• Dolly Parton was incredible. My mind exploded when she played the Benny Hill theme on her rhinestone encrusted saxophone.
• Stromae absolutely smashing his performance. He is brilliant and I really recommend you see him perform live. Get to the front of stage because his face is half of what makes him so captivating. 
• Dancing at the Beats Hotel with the roof dripping sweat on us. People standing on the sign outside and chanting 'that guy' over and over again to get more people to climb up and join them. 
• The roiling chaos of Shangri-La where I found myself dancing in a tiny club with a bunch of randoms who quickly became my friends.
• Dancing by myself under the mechanical spider at Arcadia was just magic. 
• Getting lost and discovering the quirkiest rap/singing sister duo at a tiny bar called the rum shack. I never got their names, but that's the beauty of serendipity, right?
• The food. Usually festival food is mediocre at best and fatal at worst, but everything I ate at Glastonbury was totally delicious. I completely luxuriated in the joys of eating anything I wanted at any time I wanted. Lebanese meze plate for breakfast? Why not?
• Rudimental's rapper was so ecstatic to be playing at Glastonbury (and on the Pyramid stage, no less!) that it was infectious. They managed to play my two favourite songs before an electrical storm passed and they had to cut their set short. But their short concert was such a highlight. 
• Lily Allen is a cheeky little nymph. She was fantastic.
• Meeting a really lovely bunch of people from Reading who totally made my Glasto experience. 
• Watching Keith Allen at The Rabbit Hole ramble about Sting being a c*nt was just so freaking hilarious.
• Turning 28 sitting at the Stone Circle, watching all the festivities unravel below me. The best. 
• Meeting up with my friend Livie who I hadn't seen in ages, and discovering Kiesza at the same time! 
• Surprise act - The Kooks! So much fun. Metallica was also great, considering heavy metal is not my scene. 
• The sun setting over Ellie Goulding's wonderful performance was a kodak moment for me. I actually cried, it was just that damn beautiful. 

(If anyone knows who these ska sisters are, let me know! They were performing at the Rum Shack in Shangri La at around 3am on Sunday morning. They were electric.)

Un-highlights:

• Dry wretching at the long-drop toilets where you could see (and smell) the effluent. So, so disgusting. 
• Realizing that my waterproof jacket was not actually waterproof at a sudden downpour at Rudimental. Not fun. 
• Having to walk uphill back to our tents every morning. Also not fun. 
• Losing friends and not having phone battery to contact them equals sadface. Until you make new friends, that is. 
• Being so exhausted after partying for 16 hours straight, that you start to cry in the middle of a rave because there are no chairs to sit on. Experiencing a sudden and terrifying epiphany that your body is nothing more than a series of dying cells. And that you're getting old. Cry some more. Drink some more. Forget all about your aching knees and carry on. 
• Also making the sudden and regrettable decision to go on a juice cleanse when you get home. It lasted for two puke-coloured juices. 
• Lana Del Rey. It was actually hard to watch her, so energy sapping was her performance. I know she's trying to effect that tortured ennui vibe, but when the audience just wants to get drunk and merry and bop around in the mud, she's totally the wrong fit. Despite her beautiful voice, we trudged off at the end of her performance singing, 'Lana Del Rey killed my vibe, doodah, doodah!'
• Not being able to see all the live acts I wanted to see because of logistics and set clashes. I missed out on Skrillex (who I read was incredible), London Grammar, Clean Bandit, Kelis, Jamie XX, Crystal Fighters, Goldfrapp and Disclosure. Being so close, yet so far away from all those amazing acts was really infuriating sometimes. 

I'm so glad I've done it, and I'm definitely going to attempt to get tickets for 2015. But next year, I'm bringing knee support pads.